I’m stained with secrets
slowly burning with heat of sunrise
My heart lives there
between the echoed footsteps of goodbyes
My lips spill time uncontrollably
my tongue is chasing seconds
That pass memories in the dark
I’m filled with Faith
Raging with the joy of Resurrection
my soul lives here
Inside the tears of trials and triumphs
My voice carries a message that is everlasting
It is unconditional, it is love
As time passes after my divorce I find myself more and more financially hurt. I keep trying to figure why and then I sit down and write it all out.
I am not a dead beat Dad, I show up to everything, whether it is my scheduled time or not. I pay my child support, I pay activity fees and help with groceries and about 70% of my income goes to help mom pay for things with our babies. That does not nor will it ever bother me, I Love my broken family (because divorce breaks a little of all us inside). I want the best for my kids, even my ex-wife.
What kills me is she wants more, she chooses to not work in the summer time. She chooses to not sit down and budget with me for upcoming activities and expenses. I just get a bill that keeps going and less and less information of where and when things are happening.
Less and less.
I thought our job as parents (together or apart) was to do the best for our kids, for each other. Imagine what we could do working together, just communicating. The view changes with a simple conversation.
This is scattered I know, just random free falling thoughts of a Dad….looking for ways to ask a Mom….to be better than our past by working together.
We all have bad moments in our life, but if you choose to remain in the position; you will never grow. If you never grow, they never grow.
Sigh, it just frazzles my mind on how to make things work, how to change things…how do we become better when we don’t exist.
Dad moving forward
So we both were blind to the fall. I take responsibility for missing the obvious, I take responsibility for not being the husband I should have been. Faltering as a father because I promised God and Man to forever protect and guide my family.
Pride is a terrible thing to bring into a relationship, because it holds you back from fully loving….