From my youth

For  Black History Month I thought I would share something I wrote as a teen, that entails my experiences…
We

So is this really my culture to bear,

just because I am the only black man in the room – does not

make me a shadow.

My voice sounds like a whip

my walk is an echo of every march to unify our Nation

my tears are rivers that lead from captivity to equality 

and when you see me – 

I am still just a wish never dreamed of

a thunderstorm you long to drive through

yet safety is found under black roof tops that shelter you from

the truth.

So I stand in every room 

Bold

Cracking my whip across misled perceptions

because being black is not a conception to be used to be 

less than

it means the scars that have been covered by progress

are not to be forgotten

the sting of once open wounds has not dissipated

only numbed

Within our hearts we relieve the triumph of everyone who

spoke and died for us

So this whip I swing back and pray you feel it snap across your conscious.  That being alive, is being human

that is what we are all struggling to be, 

Human

jdj

Advertisements

Figment

The truth….
Unimaginable, untangible,

Maybe to scarring to recall. 

Holding on to blind ambiton, 

I-we, have followed you here.

Nothing promised in this cool dark night yet our footsteps are one.  Marching loudly into the bursting warmth of daylight.  I dare not speak to my neighbors who look on just as scared as me.  

Hoping to touch solid ground, we have lemminged towards the worlds edge.   Taking science over heart, words over faith, decomposition of flesh over a higher cause. 

My soul cries out!

Believing that we live without purpose, substance.  

Jump, is the cry heard above this blaring silence. It echoes back through us and it begans.  No one claims shouting it out, lead by what might have been heard by one of us, a multitude  follows that empty shroud over the edge.

Still , there in the middle one stops to look around. Reaches arms out and halts those behind.  

Open your eyes, none of this….

Is real.

©JDJ

Past

Burnt embers sizzle out in the morning mist, leaving that stale, fresh sent of the end wafting through the air.

Through closed eyelids I REM through vivid emotions of what once was. 

Subconsciously that arm draped over my sides is holding it all together.  Distant fights, silent mornings of “I need you” that never got completed because prideful lips fastened shut in fear. 

Empty chairs holding sheltered laughter, harsh goodbyes and passion lost to the burning embers of this torn heart. 

Blessed

Clear gray pastures that lead me abound
Journeys into the unknown abyss of unlimited possibilities. 

I have swam these concrete waters before, this time it’s different.  The construction seems to patch up those distant fears I hid
behind before. 

Nothing quiets the labor of rubber being beaten upon ancient cracks of regret yet even that constant reminder cannot diffuse the beauty that is before me. 

I pray with wide open eyes, I thank with closed lips and look only ahead. 

Work

I am looking for help in my writing, will you please leave suggestions, words, whatever you feel on my page and I will write poems to correlate to them. 

Thank you

after they are posted, comments and feedback are requested.  Good or bad. 

Reason

It escapes me as the days pass how much the past is not always a lesson learned, but a scar that is hated.  Like the scarlet letter.   I m looking for absolution in the night sky, I am finding frailty in the strength if my hope because I am harboring scars that entrap me in fear. 

So much of me is yearning for the love that I have for her, for our  marriage, for our family.  So much of me is running away blind.  I can not go back to someone who has wished me dead, asked me to kill myself so that they do not have to see me. The same person that moments later is crawling over me, tempting me with false looks of love, caressing my sides, my heart with the promise of completion.

Some days I am strong, some days I am beaten.  Crying…I am never defeated, I have learned that through faith I am able to push on. 

I am battled, scared and tired…

I am never out of Love…
JDJ

Skivves

This satin rose pedaled splendor laid before, surrounded by silken legs of delight.
I find myself dreaming of each touch before it happens, my mind racing with anticipation of what might come next.
Wanting to open that velvet curtain of desire, I hold patiently traversing the landscape around it. The sunset of her eyes stare out at me from between the valley of her gently swaying bosom. She too, yearns for the maybes that linger with each gentle kiss. We grasp hands and pull close. Knowing our innocence is worth the wait.
JDJ©

Thank you

So let’s get positive. 
I woke up this morning, drove to work and saw a red moon. I have healthy babies who think the world of me.

Somewhere, I gained the respect of my peers and it has stayed with me, I have loved.  Wether lost or still with me, I have loved unfiltered.  I have been loved. 

I am not ashamed to say I have made mistakes and fallen down, I have cried, I have been angry. 

I have my faith which holds me up, I find my understanding, my patience within prayer and reflection.  I have crossed from worrying about the now, to investing in the forever. 

I smile more than frown, and it’s because you have taken time in this chaotic world to read my heart.  You paused long enough to listen, some of you have returned.  You inspire me, you surprise me with your view, your heart is astounding. When I visit your pages.  I am humbled and pushed to be better..

So on this blessed Sunday I want to say thank you for taking time to remember, read, and care.  For being compassionate….being human….thank you.   

Please feel free to comment, criticize, on any posts or drop an email at ljinfintely@gmail.com

Believe that real inspiration lies within you ©JDJ

image

Cordoned

Breathless and awake, feet dangling just inches above the bottom. Toes scratching for secure ground. 

The wind stirs the restless stillness around.  Scattering those visions of tomorrow’s hope across a barren, plowed field.  Absolution is far beyond the nerves of outstreched fingertips.

The waves quarantine the air that is fighting to break through . The sun flashes off and on as desperation sets in, night seems to onset as a darkness cloaks  the skyline. 

Was there ever a chance to escape this comforting, rocking  tomb .  Hope seems like a mirage of temptations  that leads to false understanding of just how deep in we really are.

©JDJ

Figment

The truth….
Unimaginable, untangible,
Maybe to scarring to recall.
Holding on to blind ambiton,
I-we, have followed you here.
Nothing promised in this cool dark night yet our footsteps are one.  Marching loudly into the bursting warmth of daylight.  I dare not speak to my neighbors who look on just as scared as me. 
Hoping to touch solid ground, we have lemminged towards the worlds edge.   Taking science over heart, words over faith, decomposition of flesh over a higher cause.
My soul cries out!
Believing that we live without purpose, substance. 
Jump, is the cry heard above this blaring silence. It echoes back through us and it begans.  No one claims shouting it out, lead by what might have been heard by one of us, a multitude  follows that empty shroud over the edge.
Still , there in the middle one stops to look around. Reaches arms out and halts those behind. 
Open your eyes, none of this….
Is real.
©JDJ