Burnt embers sizzle out in the morning mist, leaving that stale, fresh sent of the end wafting through the air.
Through closed eyelids I REM through vivid emotions of what once was.
Subconsciously that arm draped over my sides is holding it all together. Distant fights, silent mornings of “I need you” that never got completed because prideful lips fastened shut in fear.
Empty chairs holding sheltered laughter, harsh goodbyes and passion lost to the burning embers of this torn heart.
Here I lay waiting for a call. A glimpse of hope that beyond your stubborn pride is compassion.
I am strong, I am faithful, I am sad that you use them to hurt me.
Looking for help, but where does a Father turn?
So I cried last night, loudly in the quietness of my own arms. I embraced my quivering hands within eachother and found solace in prayer.
I laughed so hard that my voice cut out, my breath ran for cover and left me smiling in silence. I hunched over and saw my reflection, my lost youthfulness peeking through the gleam in my eyes.
I hurt so much today, my soul cries out and is answered with blaring muteness of daylight in a crowded room. Talking to me, its missed. The tear in my heart, and it bleeds out.
Euphoria is surrounding me, it blares it’s beauty from my touch. Calling forth that wholeness that satisfies the spirit. Dancing in this empty room, I am surrounded by those that hear me. Deafened by the music that pounds it’s hypnotic rhythm through every molecule in the air, lost in a moment of muffled joy.
My breath, my chest, they ache for more time. My lips part and spill forth distant pleas for continuation. Sight fades as I begin to give in to this quiet fight. I feel that soft plush cushion of the carpet below me, supporting me in my weakest hour. And I blink slowly, realizing that this dust that falls around me, this hazy afternoon light that nestles me in for one last smile. Is all that will remember me.
Here, in this room, where I first cried.
That quiet jubilation and sadness that accompanied me in life, awaits me in slumber.