Reason

It escapes me as the days pass how much the past is not always a lesson learned, but a scar that is hated.  Like the scarlet letter.   I m looking for absolution in the night sky, I am finding frailty in the strength if my hope because I am harboring scars that entrap me in fear. 

So much of me is yearning for the love that I have for her, for our  marriage, for our family.  So much of me is running away blind.  I can not go back to someone who has wished me dead, asked me to kill myself so that they do not have to see me. The same person that moments later is crawling over me, tempting me with false looks of love, caressing my sides, my heart with the promise of completion.

Some days I am strong, some days I am beaten.  Crying…I am never defeated, I have learned that through faith I am able to push on. 

I am battled, scared and tired…

I am never out of Love…
JDJ

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